He is Not Afraid
“God is already in your tomorrow and he is not afraid.”
Those words broke me. Tears streamed down my cheeks.
It was early 2017. Somehow I was still sitting in the sanctuary as the sermon came to a close.
My newly three-year-old, who was seemingly lost in a world of her creation, held captive by desire for things to be at right angles to each other, her obsession with sorting her toys into groups by attributes and not having them disturbed, and other “quirks” had stayed in her Sunday School class for the entire service without needing me to be called out to pick her up early. We had started making progress towards bringing her back to us, to teaching her to eat, to helping her cope - she smiled, she demonstrated that things made her happy. But there was still so far to go....I was optimistic about the future. But uncertain. Tomorrow was scary - I never knew what would happen.
My ten-month-old was in my lap and had not begun to scream incessantly as she did so often. You see, she had been a bouncing, smiling, making eye-contact from day one baby. But in the last month that had stopped - there was no eye contact, there were no expressions, there were no giggles, there were no smiles, but there was so. much. screaming. She refused physical affection except that she wanted to be held all the time - not cuddled in any way, only held. The happy little girl I had known for such a short time was gone; lost in a world she didn’t understand. I didn’t understand either. I dreaded tomorrow. Something was wrong. What was it? What did the future hold?
Could I make it through another day? Could I survive tomorrow?
“God is already in your tomorrow and he is not afraid,” the preacher said.
I was tired. When my youngest allowed me to sleep, dreams born from the combination of severe postpartum anxiety and the trauma of the last two years haunted me. Physically, I was constantly providing care for two young children who needed, needed, needed even above and beyond the typical tiring needs of their young ages. The medical and therapy appointments were beginning - a few per month - a fraction of what they would soon become.
I had wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember and here I was - a mother - and lost in it all. My babies were in their own worlds. I couldn’t comfort them the way I wanted to. I didn’t understand where they were or how to help. Not only could I not fix it, I didn’t even know what needed to be fixed.
I knew God. I prayed to him constantly. I knew there must be a purpose in this.
I knew he would never leave me or abandon me.
I knew he held eternity past and eternity future in his hands and would work out his purposes in it all.
I could trust him for the future. I knew that. But, still tomorrow.
Just making it through a day was a marathon and I honestly didn’t know if I had another day in me.
“God is already in your tomorrow and he is not afraid,” the preacher said.
Those words broke me. Tears streamed down my cheeks.
I might be afraid of tomorrow but God is not.
Tomorrow MIGHT WELL BE scary for me.
But God is not scared.
I had believed God was sovereign over all things. I truly had.
But the reality of what that meant washed over me.
That truth would carry us through the following months. And continues to carry us.
The months after that sermon were filled with so many appointments with doctors, specialists, teams of specialists, psychologists, educational personnel, therapists of ALL varieties. We eventually got to the point of 30+ hours of therapy and 2-5 doctors appointments a week for the girls. Many scary things were discussed. Many scary tests were done. Many diagnoses were given. Many questions are left. We have been to scary places that, on that day in 2017, I couldn’t have even known to be afraid of yet. But through it all, God has been present in tomorrow and he has never once been scared.
He tells us in Isaiah 40, The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
Matthew 6 is a constant reminder to me: Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
When speaking to his people in exile, in Isaiah 43 God gave the promise: But now thus says the Lord,he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you, when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you;
One of my favorite verses to repeat to myself is from Deuteronomy 31, Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
So, I don’t know what your tomorrow holds. I don’t know what will happen.
But I can tell you with absolute confidence that God is already in your tomorrow and he is not scared.
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