I Am Small
Each year, as a part of being on the leadership team for a Community Bible Study class, each member of the team gives a personal devotion for the rest of the leadership team. Last year, I shared my devotion here on the blog and thought I would share again this year. I have a feeling that I am not the only stay-at-home, homeschooling, or special-needs Mama who has had these same feelings of being small. But please, be encouraged, as I am, by the story of Tabitha. What may seem small in the world is BIG in God's Kingdom.
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I was born in the mid-1980s. I was raised in a self-esteem culture, with participation trophies, and pep talks declaring “you can be anything you want to be.” The battle cries of my generation and the generations that have followed are “be who you are!”, “you can change the world”, and “nobody can tell me what to do!”
These ideas even infiltrated Christian teen culture. We were encouraged through books and conferences to “go big or go home for God” (but really, for many it turned out to be the “glory” that those deeds would bring to us). The message was, “You can do it! Seize the day! Be big, do great things, get noticed! And then, when you give your speech after achieving recognition, make sure you thank God really quick before you go on to talk about your accomplishments.”
Surrounded by this culture I, an awkward and fairly quiet girl, wanted something small. I wanted to grow up and be a wife and mother. Before staying home with my own children, I wanted to teach children with special needs who were in poverty. If I didn’t get my dream of a husband and children then I would pour myself into those children I taught full time; maybe I would live in the inner city and serve there (my mother prayed I would get married - she dreaded that part of my dream).
When I participated in ministry at the church, I wasn’t drawn to tasks up front or where I would be noticed. My peers around me challenged me to think bigger - lead rallies or do foreign missions - anything but stay local and serve small. Small ministry is a waste of time and not doing anything great for God.
My guidance counselors and teachers in high school tried to convince me that a girl with “brains” like me should break the mold - why study education? And certainly, don’t dream of staying home as a wife and mother! Become an engineer! There’s money there for women and I had mathematical skills! Do something bold. Blast through gender stereotypes. Don’t settle for less than everything!
Basically - your dreams are too small. Dream bigger.
That’s not to say there is anything wrong with leading rallies, going into foreign missions, or women in engineering. If that’s God’s call on a person’s life, doing otherwise would be a sin. But, it just isn’t his call for everyone. And thus far, it hasn’t been his call on my life.
I grew up and so many of those small childhood dreams came true. I met an amazing Christian man in college and we were married the summer after he graduated. I continued to play cello on the church worship team quite regularly. I babysat for church functions and even began a Sunday School program for children with special needs. I taught children with special needs professionally, most of whom were living with poverty, for several years. We were finally gifted with two beautiful daughters; our children had struggles but I was blessed to be able to stay home with them to do the therapies and work required to help them thrive. I still sometimes played cello on the worship team - though less often now that sickly babies needed my attention. I was living a small life and I knew that I was right where God wanted me to be at that time. But, in the back of my mind, Satan liked to poke me quite often (especially in the middle of the night when I was sleep deprived, up with a fussy newborn or toddler, and my anxiety was easily triggered) with the thought that maybe this wasn’t enough.
Maybe I’m not enough.
Maybe I’m just too small.
Maybe this calling is too small.
Maybe God is not pleased.
And, that’s when I read this story in Acts. I had never noticed the story of Tabitha before. It is such a short story. A small story. And, right when I needed it, God gave me new eyes to see Tabitha:
Acts 9:36-42
36 Now there was in Joppa a disciple named Tabitha, which, translated, means Dorcas. She was full of good works and acts of charity. 37 In those days she became ill and died, and when they had washed her, they laid her in an upper room. 38 Since Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples, hearing that Peter was there, sent two men to him, urging him, “Please come to us without delay.” 39 So Peter rose and went with them. And when he arrived, they took him to the upper room. All the widows stood beside him weeping and showing tunics and other garments that Dorcas made while she was with them. 40 But Peter put them all outside, and knelt down and prayed; and turning to the body he said, “Tabitha, arise.” And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter she sat up. 41 And he gave her his hand and raised her up. Then, calling the saints and widows, he presented her alive. 42 And it became known throughout all Joppa, and many believed in the Lord.
Why was Tabitha raised from the dead?
Was it for her own good? No! She was in glory with her Savior. Coming back to life on earth was not an improvement of her situation!
She was brought back for the good of the people that she served.
Well then, she must have been doing something terribly important, right? Was she a traveling preacher? Had she made a ministry of raising the dead? Did she make lots of money? Was she doing something large and noticed by all around the world?
No, but she was full of good acts and charity. She made garments for widows in the church. She served in what were certainly “small” ways - she was a woman. In those days there weren’t “big” tasks available to her.
But her work mattered to the local church. Her loss was profoundly felt. So much so that men were sent to bring Peter to her lifeless body in hopes that he could raise her from the dead.
Her ministry was very small.
But it was so very important in the eyes of God and for the good of the church.
I, like Tabitha, am small.
I spend most of my time making meals, cleaning the same mess I cleaned yesterday, washing clothes, washing little bodies, teaching homeschool lessons, and doing therapy. But, while I do those things I am teaching my daughters’ hearts the things of God and showing them the kingdom. They are learning what it is to be loved and are falling in love with their creator and God.
My life is small. Tabitha’s life was small. Maybe your life is small, too.
But, God uses small lives lived for his glory. My prayer is that, like Tabitha, you and I will allow ourselves to be used by God in whatever ministry opportunities - big or small - we have been given.
Because any act, done for the glory of God alone - is of eternal significance.
I’ll end with these words from Colossians 3:12-17. An encouragement for all believers!
12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
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